Search

Sweet T's Story

The Chronicles of a Survivor

Category

Uncategorized

#tellcancer

Cancer: “I’m back again, and this time I’m coming after your family…”

Me: “Oh, helllz no.”

My dear mother, the rock of our family, the woman who was by my side during every single doctor appointment, chemo, surgery…the woman who does everything right–who takes great care of herself, eats all the right things, exercises regularly, remembers to take her vitamins, doesn’t drink or smoke, who has dedicated her life to helping other people–has cancer.

I know. I can’t believe it either…

The news has been a pretty big shock to all of us. Honestly, I’m still not sure it’s completely sunk in. We’re not even sure what kind of cancer it is, or where the primary source is…and the doctors say we may never know, which is frustrating AS SHIT. But, what we do know, is that my mom is one strong ass woman and that she’s up to the challenge.

My Mom is taking on cancer, and I’m blogging about it…

mom rally for the cureMeet my mother, Juliana. She’s a special lady–a patient and loving wife, mother, sister and aunt, a fantastic and trusting friend, a caring and compassionate nurse of 37+ years and overall positive presence to everyone that is lucky enough to know her. She’s a great cook, has superb musical taste and a knack for enjoying life that is contagious.

3 weeks ago today, my mom was admitted to the hospital. She hadn’t been feeling well for a couple of months…she wasn’t able to eat regularly and was having a lot of pain. When she finally couldn’t take it anymore and went to the emergency room with severe abdominal and back pain, we never, in our wildest dreams, thought that cancer was the culprit. Fast forward 3 weeks, and this woman has been through the ringer–3 hospitals, 2 surgeries, too many doctors, residents, nurses, IV’s, bowel preps, scans and tests and diagnoses to count–and still no firm diagnosis.

After about a week in the hospital, the word cancer starting getting thrown around. First, they were convinced that it was ovarian cancer. Then they thought colon. All of her symptoms were related to her digestive system but the previous diagnosis of IBS and/or colitis proved to be wrong. When they couldn’t figure it out exactly what was still making her so sick, they decided the best option was to open her up and take a look around.

The surgeons told us that a full hysterectomy and a colon resection to remove the cancer were both options. Well, 1606472_625949420858277_6347427016512052128_oneither of those things happened. When they opened her up, they found the tumor off of her pancreas–it is fused to a bunch of other organs, and at this point, it isn’t operable. She woke up from surgery with an ileostomy bag, a feeding tube and news that a preliminary diagnosis of pancreatic cancer was their best guess. They also took a bunch of biopsies of the tumor and sent those off to be analyzed.

At that moment, devastation and shock pretty much took over.  Pancreatic or some form of unclassified cancer was not the news we wanted or expected. The fear and frustration of not having an exact diagnosis or treatment plan is really hard. But luckily (or unluckily), we’ve been through this before. When it comes to cancer, we Piazzas have experience. Some days have been really tough, especially on my mom, but also on everyone who is supporting her through this. We’ve managed to stay pretty positive and optimistic and as preliminary pathology reports from the biopsies come back a plan for fighting this cancer is slowly coming together.

What we do know at this point, is that she has a pretty large malignant tumor off of her pancreas and that the cancer 920406_10101399131326659_1894844767_ocells have begun to spread to other organs in her abdomen. The biopsies show poorly differentiated cells, so ovarian, pancreatic, breast and other types of cancer all have to be considered as possible sources or origins when developing a treatment plan. We’ve got her at Allegheny General Hospital (these are the folks who saved my life, TWICE) and her oncology team is going to develop a chemo regimen that can fight all of those cancers.

Right now, the #1 priority is to get her healed, healthy and home so that she can start chemo and get to shrinking that tumor and kicking cancer’s ass. That’s what I want to #tellcancer10294243_556687407784479_7131952711156868342_n

If I ever wonder why…

Lots of people ask me if I ever wonder “why me?” Most of the time, I think that question comes from a sympathetic and empathetic viewpoint. And although it’s unintentional, the question “why me?” is laced with underlying negativity. Sort of implying that my situation is kinda shitty and that it sucks that these are the cards that I’ve been dealt. Sort of like, wtf, cancer? Leave that chick the hell alone.

I guess that is one way to look at it.

For me, I’ve truthfully never really dwelled on that question. I don’t see the point. I guess I’ve just made peace with the situation and kept faith that someday this will all make sense to me…

A few days ago, an old childhood friend that I probably haven’t spoken to in at least 10 years reached out to me and shared a personal story about her daughter. One that I would now like to share with you all, too.  It brought tears to my eyes and reminded me that if I ever do find myself wondering “why?” this is it. This is why I’m in this situation.

Here is the story of her little girl, Melody, who is now a healthy and beautiful 9 year old,

at birth she was 1lb 10 oz as a result her head had to be shaved on several occasions and until she saw your photos she was extremely ashamed. Long story short she has given her jet ski money to add to the cause as well as my hair (locks of love) thanks ppl like you bring out the best in ppl like us. She says I can put her “bad” photos in frames again because she does look like a princess. She died 3 times and had a 0% chance of a normal life. Like her I recall that you are a tough little gal and god has put you in this situation so that you can defy all odds. I wish you the best and thank you for helping my sweet little girl to accept herself for who she is. You were in her prayers tonight and god will sent u a kiss from her. Sorry to bother you but nearly 10 yrs later and she is finally able to begin to understand what her beginning was like without shame…..huge milestone.”

Wow! Right?!? What a special little lady!

Melody and Renee–you have no idea the depth of how you’ve touched my heart with this story. I’m sending lots of peace and love your way!

t peace creations

I discovered a few things about myself this summer. Wonderful things that are making me feel whole…making me feel full…making me feel alive. I like to think of those things as little gifts…made and picked especially for me, that make this battle I’ve been fighting ok. Gifts that make up for and reward me for the hard times and the sad times I’ve been through. Gifts that are replacing and far surpassing what this battle has taken away from me. But gifts from who? Cancer? God? Mother Earth? Myself?

I don’t really know, but they’re gifts nonetheless. And I like gifts.

One of those gifts is painting.

I stumbled upon a stunning photo online of a bunch of autumn trees and a beautiful bright blue sky. Not only was it a great photo, it also reminded me of places that I have been and made me day-dream of going to places like that again. At that moment, I decided that I wanted to try to paint that picture so I could hang it in my home and look at it everyday. I’m not a painter, but I felt like I wanted to try it, so I did. I went to the art store and bought a couple of canvas’ and a beginners acrylic paint value pack–it had 5 primary color paints and two paint brushes included–and then set up at my kitchen table and started to paint.

I wasn’t expecting much. I’ve always been kinda creative, so I figured I could at least make a half decent piece of artwork–something worthy of sticking on the wall and filling in some space in the guest bedroom:) To my surprise, the painting turned out really good and I really enjoyed making it. So I just kept on painting and creating more and more.

Now, my home is speckled with pieces of art that I created with my own two hands. They’re paintings to most, but to me they’re memories and experiences and dreams of mine. It’s great to be surrounded by that. I even started an etsy shop where I’m selling some of my stuff…and a couple of my paintings are being used to stage a home that is for sale in my neighborhood. Who knows? Maybe I can play a small role in attracting a super cool neighbor to our community with my art?

It feels great to create and share a part of myself. I think it’s a gift.

So, thank you, cancer…god…buddah….LIFE for these little gifts that you continue to give to me. Much appreciated.

-Sweet T

big strides

It’s been entirely too long. I know. My apologies go out to those of you who are going through Sweet T withdrawal. Life is tough without me, eh? Good thing my docs have been busy whipping me into tip top shape getting me ready to live a long, full, healthy life so y’all will never have to experience that.

So what’s dilly? Welllll…I finished chemo 5 weeks ago today (the crowd erupts with excitement) and will be starting my last leg of treatment–radiation–this week or next. Those are big strides in the cancer world. Unlike chemo, radiation, although inconvenient…shouldn’t be too bad in terms of side effects. The worst part…I’ll have to go into the hospital for treatment every Monday-Friday for the next 6 weeks or so. Sheesh. Good thing I live close. The second worst part–being all marked up for the next 2 months.

Image

Those marks will stay there until treatment is done. Like all of my scars, I have a love/hate relationship with them. I hate that I can’t rock my deep v shirts or show off my perky boobs in my bikini without people looking at me weirdly, or immediately knowing that I am battling cancer. On the other hand, these marks are testament to my strength, my journey and my life and I am trying very hard to rock them with pride.

Anyway…radiation…every day…for the next two months…then I’m done! One more crazy chapter closed! A lot of you have been asking if treatment is working–is my cancer gone? Am I cured? Well, that’s the assumption my doctors and I are working under. Unfortunately, there’s really not a magical test or a scan that can be done at the current time to confirm whether or not my body has been rid of every last cancer cell. That being said…I feel great. And there’s no reason to not believe that I’ve kicked cancer’s ass over and over for the past 5 months and that this radiation will be the knockout punch that puts a final end to her muahahahaaa (that’s my evil laugh).

Speaking of big strides…

  • My hair should start growing back soon. All I have to say is that the day I have eyebrows again is going to be the best day of my life. I may even have a party to celebrate. Until then…I’m going to embrace and enjoy these last couple weeks of being body hair-free. It really has been marvelous.
  • Spike, my port, is being removed. I have to pay homage to Spike…he’s made ease of all of those needle pricks. So–word up, Spike. I won’t miss you, but it sure has been real.
  • I started taking my anti-cancer drug, arimedex. One little magical pill a day will be keeping me cancer free for the rest of my life (annnnd giving me hot-flashes like it’s no ones biznass). I guess that’s an alright compromise HA.
  • I’ll be going back to work, probably part-time, pretty soon. This time away from work and that responsibility has been absolutely amazing. And I’ve enjoyed it in more ways than I will ever be able to explain. BUT like all of these big strides, going back to work symbolizes normalcy–real life–moving forward.

So, until next time, I’ll be keepin’ on keepin’ on…just living and loving life and hopefully inspiring y’all to do the same. Speaking of inspiration…I’ll leave you with this little gem of an interview I did a couple of months back. Please enjoy!

Peace and Love,

Sweet T

Touch Your Tata’s! For the Cure!!

Over the past few months, in spite of, and mostly credited to my 2nd go round with the big C, I’ve had a ton of super special, memory box worthy moments. Last weekend was no different, possibly even more so than most…

 

I’m talking about the 5th Annual Touch Your Tata’s/Rally for the Cure Golf Outing, which, of course was a hit and the best outing yet AND keeps on getting better every year! This event is the love child of one of my oldest and most dear and compassionate and wonderful friends, Ashley. She started organizing this outing in 2008 in honor of her Aunt Char who battled and beat breast cancer with courage and grace. !!GO AC you’re my hero!! The following year, I was diagnosed the first time and Ash decided to continue hosting the outing, now in honor of me, AC and any and everyone else who has been touched by breast cancer.

This year, our 5th year (we took one year off for those of you who are counting) was by far our most successful outing. We had 146 golfers and raised around $13,000!! WOWZA! The event benefits the Susan G. Komen Foundation and proceeds are put to great use funding and supporting breast cancer research and lots of other great stuff like free mammograms. Great, right? It is. SO GREAT. But this event is about more than that to me.

It’s about friends and strangers coming together because they have been touched by this disease and they want to play a role in making a difference. It’s the notion that there are thousands and thousands of events just like this (although not nearly as rad) happening all over the nation and that together, we’re really having an impact and making a difference. That one day, breast cancer will be a distant memory and we’ll all be able to think back to this day and know that together, people can truly make a difference. I’d be amiss to say that Touch Your Tata’s isn’t about letting loose and having some fun too. It’s sunshine and jello-shots. It’s lots of hugs and belly laughs. It’s playing and prizes. It’s an escape, an inspiration…for me, it’s bottled up joy.


It’s hard for me to put into words the overwhelming sense of joy and inspiration that I feel when I see people rally together around a cause, especially one that is so near and dear to my heart. When I see the dedication and hard work of the volunteers who help make this event a success, all the men (and ladies!) showing their support rocking their pink from head to toe so graciously opening up their pocketbooks, the many, many warm embraces and kind words I was surrounded by, some from long time friends, some from complete strangers…I get the chills.

So THANK YOU, all of you, who golfed, donated, volunteered! I can only hope you had half as much fun as I did. Let’s get geared up for an even more awesome, successful next year!! MEG–thank you, as always, for capturing these beautiful memories for me with your camera! You’re so talented! AND ASH!! Your huge, compassionate heart never ceases to amaze me. I’m so lucky to have such a dear friend in you. Thank you for all of the hours of hard work and planning that went into making The 5th Annual Touch Your Tata’s Golf Outing the best eva. We couldn’t have done it without you. And thank you for being you, friend. Love you like woah:)

Summer Solstice With The Avetts

Image
Scott, Sweet T, Seth and Joe @ Firefly 2013

There’s something magical about music. Maybe it’s the artistry? The way carefully crafted lyrics and melodies make sense of emotions you weren’t quite able to make sense of yourself. Maybe it’s the sense of nostalgia? The way a song can take you back to a beautiful memory and let you relive those moments over and over. Maybe it’s the joyful feeling you get when you share laughter, happiness and a genuine connection with complete strangers because of your love of music? Maybe it’s all of that wrapped up together a bound tightly with guitar strings like a little present that you get to open and enjoy anytime you like?

It’s no secret that I have a deep love for music. It’s blatantly clear that my love for The Avetts is borderline cray/obsessive. Call it what you will, people. They make me feel happy, inspired, creative and warm…and in my book, there’s not a damn thing wrong with feeling like that.

What I’m trying to say, is that I had one of the best weekends of my life this past June. With lots of help from y’all my 30th bday wish came true…I rocked summer solstice 2013 at Firefly Music Fest with The Avett Brothers and it was just glorious!

Where do I even start? Ok…so there were months of anticipation that led up to this. I got word that the guys would love to meet me a few months ago, but didn’t really know what to expect when the day actually came. I had a dream one night that during the show Scott brought me up on stage and I played the harmonica part of “Backwards with Time” totally rocked it and wowed the crowd. In reality, I don’t really know how to play my harmonica all that well (what I mean by that is that I own a harmonica and sometimes act like the sounds that come out of it when I play sound good), and I probably would have just embarrassed myself when I peed my pants and then proceeded to pass out in front of 50,000+ people from shock…but it was quite the dream. Obviously that isn’t exactly what the day entailed, but it was a dream come true nonetheless.

So what really happened? I met the guys at the St. Jude tent a few hours before their set. We had a few minutes, just me and the guys, to chat, take pics, hug, doodle autographs on my new pair of Tom’s and basically become bfff’s. I don’t know if you can tell in the pic above, but I’m pretty sure I bruised both Scott and Seth from hugging them so tight. I wish I would have had some one taking video of the whole thing, because I barely remember the details of what we talked about. I do remember, however, walking up to Scott, him looking at me and his exact words in that sweet, deep, raspy southern drawl were, “Look at you and those beautiful blue eyes.” I melted. And I melt every time I relive that moment in my head. I also got a few minutes to talk to Bob, the bass player, one on one about his sweet daughter Hallie, who is battling brain cancer. It was my hope to bring him a little bit of peace and hope knowing that people with cancer can live full and magnificent lives. I know I told them that they inspire me and help get me through my tough days. All of the guys…Scott, Seth, Joe and Bob were gracious and beautiful inside and out…just as I had expected. It was a true honor and joy to get to spend a few minutes with them.

I thought that was the end of it…I stepped away and watched the guys waving as they were carted away and I felt a couple of tears coming down my face. They were tears of absolute and shear joy…and I couldn’t control it. The whole thing was a little overwhelming…in a good way. It was hard to believe what was happening to me…the events that had led up to all of it…everything that my family, friends and I have been through and experienced over the past 5 years, the sense of strength and accomplishment I felt…the happiness that engulfed me in that moment, the festival, my dear friends who experienced the weekend with me, the sunshine, the music, everything. All I could think was…wow…my life…what a long strange trip it’s been. That is a moment and feeling that I’m keeping locked up deep in my soul for safe keeping. My cup literally runneth over!

Anyone who has been to a music fest knows the dedication it takes to see your fav band up close and personal. It’s hours of missing out on other bands, standing like sardines with thousands of new friends, the sun beating down on you…all for the love of the band. I have to give my buddy, Noah a special shout out for setting up shop with me 4 rows back from the stage The Avetts were playing at and sticking it out for hours and hours in the heat waiting to see them. We had a great spot…it would have been a great place to watch the set. BUT! Instead of watching from our staked out spot 4 rows back, because the guys and their crew are so gracious and wonderful, I was able to get a backstage pass and watch the show from the mezzanine with the band’s friends and family. Again, I melted.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

I’m not sure what heaven will be like, but, for me, I’d like it to be something reminiscent of this. I’d have no problem spending 47 eternities or more surrounded by music, friendship, sunshine, peace and happiness. Thanks to everyone who shared my email and blog and liked my facebook page…you all played a part in this dream come true. Also, thanks to The Avetts, Bob, Joe and Dane for everything you have no idea how much this meant to me…yinz rock my world!

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

“…nothing short of thankful”…for the weekend that was had

I had one heck of a weekend. One speckled with a sampling of all of my favorite things in life…family, old friends, new friends, parties, campfires, Pittsburgh, music, food, laughter and memory making.  And at the foundation of all of those things, I reached an important hurdle…HALF WAY DONE WITH CHEMO! Obviously, it was only appropriate to host a party with lots of food and booze in my backyard to celebrate.  That backyard bbq turned into an entire weekend of pure bliss:)

I’M HALFWAY DONE WITH CHEMO…LET’S GET WEIRD.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

I had an extra week off between chemo infusions so I was feeling like superwoman…no nausea, no fatigue, no meds. Ahhh. It was so refreshing to feel normal for a few days. I needed it. It gave me a boost. It reminded me that all of this that I’m going through is temporary. That soon all of this will be part of my beautiful history. That this will be something I went through and got through that made me the person I’ll eventually come out to be on the other end. A better me.

Ok, enough of the goo. Let’s get down to the good stuff the fun stuff the memories. If I were to try to capture all of the wonderful conversations, embraces, giggles and memories that were made this past weekend, we’d all be here for 72 hours. SO I’m going share a few magical moments with you in detail and with some beautiful photos.

ARTS FEST, TOUR DE BURGH, SILVERSUN PICKUPS

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Most of the photos you’ve seen are have been taken by my wonderful and talented pal, Meg.  She has been documenting my journey via beautiful photos since the very beginning. She’s photographed my head shaving party, random happy hours, rally for the cure planning meetings…and now, my very own photo shoot! Saturday morning, I got all dolled up, had my make-up done and we headed to the woods of Washington County for “Sweet T’s Wild Photo Shoot”.  If someone would have told me that one day I would be bald, half naked in the woods, sipping mimosas, allowing someone to take photographs of me, I would have told them to “take a hike cray mofo”.  But it happened and it was an experience, a wonderful one. Thanks for capturing this, Meg. Love you lots:)

SWEET T’S WILD PHOTO SHOOT

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Just a few other highlights from the weekend that I can’t leave out:

1. Watching the night disappear and the sun come up on Saturday morning after hours and hours of laughing, drinking and friendship at my kitchen table with some wonderful ladies.

2. Accidentally crashing my 11th grade prom dates 30th bday party and getting to hang with him and his gang the whole weekend.

3. Spending the entire weekend with my dear friend, my soul sister, KT, who came all the way from Denver to visit.

I don’t mean to brag or anything. Ok, that’s a lie. I absolutely do mean to brag…only because I’m nothing short of thankful for all of the people, places and experiences that this life is giving me. And the best is yet to come!  This time next week, I’ll be at Firefly Music Festival loving life and meeting my boys, my inspiration, The Avett Brothers. YAYAAAAA

Until then…peace,

Sweet T

For memory’s sake…

“…I try to think of bad times.  Good memories are all I have.” -Avetts, One Line Wonder

I’ve always been a sucker for nostalgia. There’s something special about escaping into a memory and living in it even if it’s only for a few moments…remembering where you’ve been, the places, people and things that are near and dear to you and ultimately how they’ve shaped your life as it you live it. I have a beautiful library of memories that I keep deep in my soul and I find it so lovely when a smell, a song, a taste, a friend can bring those memories to life and take me back to that place.

Lately, I’ve been even more caught up in the magic of my memories. I don’t know if it’s the glorious hours that I’ve been spending hanging in my backyard letting my mind wander and the sun shine down on my face, or the heaviness and reality of this whole thing I have going on with cancer.  Or maybe it’s all the time I’m spending at my parents house and the drugs I’m on…but my sense of nostalgia is at an all time high and I’m loving it!

Last week, I was taking a leisurely stroll through my beautiful neighborhood soaking in the sights and sounds of the city…Mt. Washington…Pittsburgh and I’m all of a sudden overwhelmed by the smell of fresh cut grass and gasoline. The space between the city streets of Mt. Washington and the lazy barely paved roads of Washington County where I grew up couldn’t be further from one another. But the smell immediately takes me back to summertime in good old Southview, PA. I couldn’t help but smile as memories of long summer days, tan legs, neighborhood kickball games came flooding back to me. I had very vivid recollections of good times spent in the swimming pool and trampoline in our backyard, fishing with nothing but nets and our bare feet down at Galati’s pond, and riding my bike for miles upon miles. I can remember feeling free and happy and loved. For me, that’s the epitome of childhood.

I love James Taylor. For many reasons. His voice is like velvet and his music is mellow, comforting and peaceful. I’ve seen him live more times than any 29 year old should ever admit to. Other than having the voice of an angel, JT’s music is special to me because some of my absolute favorite memories of my entire life are tightly stitched to his Mudslide Slim Album (read up on music-evoked nostalgia if you get a chance…it’s fascinating). The summer of my junior year of undergrad at Gannon, I took a biology class that afforded me the opportunity to spend 2 weeks exploring Yellowstone National Park. At that point in my life, I had never been west of Ohio, so the vast beauty and greatness of the mountains and wilderness completely captured me…mind, body and soul. We hiked, camped, explored, animal-watched for 2 weeks straight. I experienced all of this with some very special people including one of my very best and most dear friends ever, KT. It was heaven to wake up in the wilderness and breathe in that brisk mountain air and have no idea what the day would entail and what we would see or discover. I met a new part of myself on that trip. Reminiscing makes me warm inside.

I guess what I’m getting at is that I’m thankful.  Thankful that round #2 with the big C and this medical leave has given me the opportunity to truly disconnect and escape from the stresses of everyday life and to reflect and focus on what makes me genuinely happy and what is important to me. It’s pretty damn great.

coming to you LIVE from chemo room #1 at AGH!!

photo (22)Ladies and Gentleman! I’m coming to you LIVE from Allegheny General Hospital’s Cancer Center in Pittsburgh’s beautiful Northside neighborhood!  You’re about to get an exclusive sneak peek into exactly what treatment is like.  Exciting, I know.  Please try to contain yourselves. This is chemo #3 of 8. You know what means…almost 1/2 way done. YAY! Everyone is always asking about chemo and treatment and what it’s like, so I thought I would take this opportunity to  let you all in on the true life of a cancer patient. Think of this as an episode of MTV’s Real World, only without all the booze, illegitimate sexual relations and bad ass house on the beach (I got nothin but love for ya, East Deutschtown…yinz would rock the real world).  Ok, so realistically this is nothing like the real world, but I hope to entertain you either way.  And I just really want to say this…

You think you know, but you have no idea… Chemo day is always long.  My appointment was at 11:30 and it’s currently 12:51 and I’m just starting to get my pre-meds and other drugs. There’s a lot of prep work that needs to be done before the nurses start to actually administer the chemo therapy…like exams, accessing my port, vitals, pre-meds, gossiping, etc. I typically see my oncologist (who is also my buddy and saving grace) before each treatment.  She gives me an exam, making sure that the chemo is doing what it’s supposed to do and that there’s nothing peculiar going on. I have nothing but good things to say about all of my doctors and nurses.  They’re just the smartest, most talented and genuine group of people a gal could ask for in a medical team.  On a side note, AGH should probably hire me to do their communications and PR. I would be a superstar. After my exam with my oncologist, I head back to the treatment room which is basically a huge room with lots of big comfy chairs and all kinds of top notch, super cool medical equipment.  It’s really quiet, aside from the constant beeping of the machines that administer all of the drugs, so I typically pop in my ear buds and rock out to the avetts while mi madre plays on her ipad.  She’s fairly new to facebook so I assume she’s probably tagging and sharing and stalking like there’s no tomorrow.

Fast forward. Check-in and exam…done. Prep and pre-meds….go!  All of the pre-med drugs they give me are used primarily to control and even prevent the nausea that comes along with getting the red devil chemo.  Before every treatment, I am injected with aloxi, emend, decadron and ativan and they are all given through Spike, my port, and have to slowly drip into my system, so it can take a while.  As I type, I am currently being injected with ativan, which is making me feel all loopy and warm inside…and kind of like I want to watch the discovery channel all day. Not gonna lie…it’s pretty awesome.  I’ve never blogged on narcotics before…this might be good.

photo (20)photo (26)1:55pm Chemo time.  The red devil chemo comes out in two huge syringes and has to be administered manually by one of the nurses, it usually takes about an hour for all of the chemo to be injected.  The chemo is literally bright red…that’s where the idea for my next tattoo came from.  I had always liked the meaning of the word sanguine (cheerfully optimistic) but it wasn’t until I saw the other definition of sanguine (red in color) and heard of the type of chemo I would be having that I decided I like it enough to get it tattooed on my body and have it live there for the rest of my life. I can’t wait to get it. Any artists out there want to work with me on designing it?? I also get another type of chemo after the red devil, cytoxan, which is set up on the drip just like the pre-meds.  It also takes about an hour.

2:27pm.  Ok. The drugs are kicking in. I’m starting to feel pretty tired (which is completely normal).  When I had my last round of chemo I slept for like 72 hours straight no joke.  I barely got up to pee.  It was good though (not the peeing part, the sleep part)…I slept all the way through the bad parts of chemo… the nausea and being uncomfortable.  It really worked out.  I think I’ll leave you all for now before I start crazy talk…drug induced rants about how much I love candy or how the 5-day work weeks is the worst idea ever invented. Or even worse, who is getting my vote for mayor in the primaries.  I choose to spare you all.

Before I sign off…I was left the loveliest of messages from one of my sisters friends that touched my heart and brought a smile to my face and I want to share it with you, friends.  “…I am not gonna lie I was heartbroken to hear this T…. so undeserved. But as I read your blog I get it…I can see the “why?”. You are changing hearts minds and lives kiddo!” I wouldn’t touch the “why question” with a 10 foot stick before this.  I just didn’t see the point in wracking my brain for an answer that I will likely never get.  But Meg, you’ve opened my mind to a new perspective and I thank you.  Now I know that understanding the scientific and medical reasoning behind my first AND second battle with cancer isn’t what’s important here.  Understanding why I’m here, going through what I’m going through is the real question and I already know the answer to that:)

Until next time,

One Love -T

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑